Where to begin? Birthing my daughter was one of the most intense experiences of my life. Nothing can quite prepare you for pushing a human into the world, nor for the slow transformation of becoming a mother. I’d like to repay all those people who went ahead of me and shared stories of their birth, so that I could be so well prepared for mine. Through a mixture of luck and preparation, my birth experience was a very positive one. So here’s my story.
37+3 (37 weeks & 3 days pregnant)
It was 10pm on a warm January evening. We’d just arrived home from our summer holiday. I was watching TV, feeling generally as comfortable as possible for someone in the late stages of their third trimester (i.e. not very), when I suddenly felt a warm gushing sensation. My waters must be breaking!
It was more than two weeks early, but I was so thankful that we’d driven home on Saturday and not Sunday as planned. I called frantically for Matt as I dashed to the toilet. But when I looked down, I saw bright red blood coating my thighs. It had soaked through my underwear, tights and into the couch. My waters hadn’t broken. Something was wrong.
We called my midwife, who reassured me that I wasn’t actively haemorrhaging, which is always a great thing to hear. She advised me to go to sleep, expecting me to go into labour overnight. Instead I soaked through three pads. I didn’t sleep.
37+4
In the morning, my midwife advised me to come in to the hospital for a check. I asked how urgently we needed to go (not wanting to appear as the overly anxious first time mum I was). Should I have breakfast? My midwife replied saying to come in straight away and that it was best not to eat. Cool cool cool cool, I thought, an emergency caesarean section is obviously a possibility!
My midwife hooked me up to the CTG (a machine which monitors the baby’s heart beat like a seismograph). I could instantly hear baby’s heartbeat, nice and strong and steady. There were still quite a few spikes on the graph though and my midwife told me it looked like I was having contractions, which was news to me! Having a very low pain tolerance, I told her in no uncertain terms that they definitely weren’t contractions.
One of the junior doctors I vaguely knew completed an internal exam (the joys of working at the hospital you also have to go to as a patient), but there was too much blood to see anything. I was happy I was in hospital so that if anything else went wrong, we had help just a bell away, but worried that they still obviously didn’t know what was happening. The staff admitted me to the ward and we settled in for a stay of uncertain duration and outcome.
37+5
The next day I stayed hooked up to the tracing machine which restricted me to the bed and quickly became very uncomfortable. My room was a furnace; north facing in the middle of a heatwave, and the heaters were on. Baby’s heart rate stayed happy, which was reassuring, although apparently my uterus still wasn’t.
The consultant (head doctor) came through and advised they wanted to induce me using a catheter. The bleeding had started to lessen, so that evening she completed a second internal exam. It was extremely painful and inconclusive, other than being able to tell the bleeding was coming from somewhere superior to the cervix, likely the placenta. I was not at all dilated or even effaced, and baby’s head was fully engaged and in the way. The catheter induction wasn’t going to work.
37+6
Another day as a patient. The new consultant decided she wanted to induce me via medication. The ward was too busy with other deliveries, so they decided to delay the induction to the next day. I found it extremely weird, this casual scheduling of my baby’s entry into this world. I heard her hiccups over the monitor and it made me laugh. I was reassured that she was still apparently fine hanging out in my womb for a bit longer.
38 weeks
The fourth day in hospital and a fourth doctor with another change to the plan. This consultant had decided a different drug would be better for my induction. All the googling of the other medication went out the window.
One of the hospital midwives had told me that the doctors were discussing my case in the nurses station and didn’t know what to do with me, so I knew discharging home was an option. With the support of a phone call to my midwife (who thought an induction was highly likely to end in an emergency c-section), I asked the doctor if I could instead just go home and see how things progressed naturally. After a few moments’ consideration, he agreed, probably thankful for the unexpected discharge.
I was home a few hours later. We’d gone from potential emergency caesar, to foley catheter induction, to one drug induction, to a different drug induction, to nothing. What a whirlwind few days. They still didn’t know where the bleeding was coming from, but at least baby was happy.
It was the first time I’d had to really make decisions on behalf of our little girl, instead of just for me. I finally fully realised that I was pregnant with a baby, not just pregnant, as silly as that sounds. It all seemed a lot more real. Looking back now, that was probably the first time I became a mum, rather than just a pregnant person.
39+1
Over a week later at 5pm and I’m sitting on the couch actually googling how you can tell your waters are breaking (I’d kind of been leaking all day), when I experience another gush. This time it felt like buckets and buckets of (thankfully) clear fluid. My waters had finally broken! Just like the movies (which I’d been told numerous times not to expect).
And on that same poor couch. It’s seen some things.
About an hour later, contractions started. I very cockily thought that they weren’t that bad (spoiler: they get worse). The pain was mostly period-like cramps in my back, which felt weird since that’s definitely not the place the baby was going to come out of. The contractions were already very close together and within an hour they were coming every three minutes (which is normally when you want to go to hospital).
I knew I still wasn’t far enough along though, so we stayed home while my nesting instinct kicked in. And then went into overdrive. Poor Matt cleaned the whole house top to bottom, supervised by a woman who doubled over and moaned in pain every few minutes while yelling out cleaning instructions. Every surface was sparkling clean by the time we left for the hospital. Matt is honestly the best.
I laboured at home, counting down the hours, and repeating my birthing mantras (honestly so powerful and helpful!). I vomited up my lunch and dinner, partly perhaps from the pain, but mostly I think because my body needed blood going to the birthing muscles, as opposed to the digestive system (as a side note: I really need to chew my food more).
The pain increased, but I used breathing techniques and heat packs to help. The contractions had built in discomfort until they were quite strong, but they lasted less than a minute and in between them I was pain-free. I had planned to hop in the shower or bath for pain relief as well, but never got around to it (apparently supervising Matt’s cleaning was a much higher priority).
I felt like the contractions were under control and refused Matt’s repeated suggestions we go to the hospital. He was starting to panic about having a carpark baby, but my worst nightmare was going to hospital and being told I was only in the early stages of labour (and then realising that there was still a long time to go, and that the pain I was experiencing was just the beginning). I knew I needed to stay calm and relaxed, which I wouldn’t be able to do if given the news I wasn’t even very far dilated.
39+2
At about 1.30am, I had a pair of contractions that were much stronger than the rest. They reached my threshold and I knew I needed to go to hospital for some pain relief (much to Matt’s exasperation and joy). I had no idea how far along I was, or how much longer it was going to go on, but it was starting to get a bit too much to manage on my own, especially if we had lots of time left to go.
That was the hardest part of labour for me in a way, not knowing whether what I was experiencing was about as bad as it was going to get, or whether it was only the beginning. I didn’t know how long it was going to go on, or what to expect. It was a real mental game! But I had been determined to stay at home as long as possible so that when I finally got to hospital I’d at least be (hopefully) close to delivering.
We drove the 10 minutes to hospital and arrived at 2am. The contractions had lessened while I was in the car, but while walking the 50m into hospital I had three contractions, and then between the ward and the birthing unit I had a lot more with barely any breaks.
The hospital midwife hooked me up to the CTG again. There was a moment when she couldn’t find baby’s heartbeat, which freaked Matt out, but I knew everything was ok / I was so internally focussed. In reality the baby was just very low down, which we all realised when I suddenly felt my body start pushing!
I hadn’t realised my body would just take over, and expected pushing to be something I had to physically and consciously do. Instead I just kept focussing on breathing and left my body alone to do its thing. The pushes were painful, but in between them I was mostly pain-free and could hold a conversation. I sucked down on the entonox (gas pain relief), but really don’t think it did much for me, other than give me something to focus my breathing on.
My midwife arrived and asked how I was doing. The hospital midwife replied in a way too casual voice “Oh hi … we’re pushing!”, trying not to make it sound like it was anything exciting. I knew then that baby was very much on the way! I was so thankful it was going to be a fast labour, and that the last stage was already beginning. My worst nightmare of being told that I wasn’t very far along was thankfully not going to happen.
After perhaps 30 minutes (I’d very much lost any sense of time by now and was kind of in a trance), I felt baby’s head about to appear. The head bobbed up and down in the birth canal for a few pushes, which was extremely frustrating and meant I didn’t really get a break in between contractions. Finally her head was born and I felt instant relief. The shoulders felt stuck, so my midwife reached in and pulled out her arms (she was coming out elbows first, which is about as comfortable as it sounds). It was crazy being able to feel everything so clearly.
Then at about 3am, an hour after we’d arrived at hospital, my daughter popped out!
My midwife caught her and passed her through my legs for me to hold (I was kneeling on the bed, facing the wall and leaning against the headboard). She was 9lb5 (4.24kg) and had a head full of hair! I had a small graze, but otherwise no complications.
After some lovely skin on skin time, Matt took her while I tried to birth the placenta. Despite having an injection of oxytocin and me moving around and going to the toilet, the placenta still hadn’t birthed after an hour. It was one of the more uncomfortable parts of the whole labour – the birthing contractions had at least felt natural and productive despite being painful, but this pain didn’t feel helpful at all. I was worried I’d have to go to theatre just to get the placenta out, but my midwife tugged on the cord until the placenta came out (I later learnt she’d used forceps, but couldn’t feel this at the time).
I felt so empowered by such a good birth and being able to meet our daughter. There wasn’t that instant spark of overpowering love that some people talk about, but I was so glad she was earthside and we could finally get to know one another.
We stayed one more night in hospital to make sure my breastfeeding technique was ok, and then asked to be discharged home to make the most of family time before everyone had to fly home. Now the rest of our lives would begin!
Fourth trimester
If it was a mixture of luck and preparation that helped me have my dream birth, then it was through a mixture of luck and unpreparedness that I found the ‘fourth trimester’ extremely difficult. I had focussed so much on the act of giving birth (which is going to last only a few days maximum, if you’re unlucky), that I had completely missed preparing myself for what came afterwards – matrescence, or the act of becoming a mother.
Most birth stories finish at the birth, but for me the hardest part was yet to come. I’d had my dream birth, my baby was delightful, and I was blessed with a very doting husband and loads of family support on both sides. But despite all of this support, I struggled mentally with such a massive change. My normally even-keeled emotions went crazy (yay, hormones), I wept inconsolably multiple times a day for no apparent reason, I could barely sleep even when I got the chance (yay, insomnia), and I kept regretting the choices that had led me to this situation.
Some mums LOVE the newborn phase. I hated the experience. I’m writing this not for sympathy, but to normalise what many mums go through. You don’t have to feel guilty or that something is wrong with you, if you don’t enjoy that first bit of time with a baby. It’s normal to feel completely out of control when you’re shoved into a new, high-stress job with minimal orientation, horrendous hours, no overtime pay, multiple different performance grading scales, and lots of conflicting advice.
My beautiful girl is now three months old and I couldn’t imagine life without her. I love being a mum, her smiles and giggles absolutely melt my heart, and I’m so excited for what’s yet to come. But I had a lot of help to get to this point. If you are struggling, please accept help. You don’t have to do it alone and asking for help is such a strength.
Q & A
What was helpful in my hospital bag?
- Ural sachets and a peri-bottle (you can buy ones, but I just used a cleaned poweraid bottle): it’s going to sting when you pee for potentially weeks afterwards. The ural neutralises the pH of your urine to make it sting less, and you spray the peri-bottle when you pee to further dilute the urine.
- Kiwicrush: start taking this straight away. Makes that first poop way less scary.
- Hydrogel breast pads: put these in the fridge and use them to help with nipple pain if breastfeeding. I also hand expressed breast milk onto the nipples to help prevent cracks.
- Adult diapers and black Kmart high-waisted undies: after birth you experience lochia – kind of like a very heavy menstrual cycle, which can last a few weeks. For the first few days, adult nappies really came in clutch. And don’t worry, you won’t have any dignity left so wearing them is no big deal (I joke, but also your priorities will be very different!). I also bought some cheap breastfeeding bras from Kmart which were great, as my breasts didn’t actually change in size until 2-3 months postpartum.
- Handheld fan: I gave birth in an extremely hot summer, plus I get very hot when I exercise anyway. Matt held the fan while I was labouring and it made me feel much more comfortable.
- Poweraid / drink bottle with a straw: hands-free electrolytes baby! I focussed on keeping up my hydration through labour. We’d packed snacks as well, but my body didn’t want to eat, despite having an empty stomach.
How bad was the pain?
Pain is such a subjective experience and differs so much between people, so I don’t really know how to answer this one. Normally I would say that I have a low pain tolerance – but I went into birth knowing it would be an uncomfortable experience and wasn’t really surprised by what I felt.
I did a lot of research (I’m the type of person who likes to know as much as possible about something in order to feel comfortable) and I attribute my great birth to this (plus luck). I felt calm throughout the birth as I knew what to expect – and this is key to keeping labour progressing, you don’t want any fear / adrenaline to enter into your body as this is proven to slow or even halt labour. I was very confident with what options I had in terms of pain relief, positioning, and birthing environment. I also had complete trust in my birth partner, Matt. The contractions also felt productive and natural, even though they were painful, which was easier to deal with for me mentally compared to pain that means something is going wrong.
What were my birthing mantras?
- Your body is powerful and knows what to do.
- You can do anything for a minute.
- Your body could give birth if you were in a coma. Just breathe and let your body do its job.
- Each contraction brings me closer to meeting our daughter.
- I am strong. I can do this.
- People do this all the time. This is normal.
What resources did I find helpful for birth / fourth trimester:
Your midwife and Plunket are hopefully great resources for you. I also found the following handy:
- Kiwi Birth Tales podcast: for a variety of real birth stories from spontaneous vaginal deliveries, to inductions and c-sections. Helpful in preparing yourself for the birthing experience.
- Your Birth Project course: highly recommend this course to prepare you and your birth partner for birth. I credit this with keeping me nice and calm throughout my birth. The most helpful thing I did for my birth. It has many hypnobirthing style approaches, but it’s not as prescriptive and is more inclusive than the Hypnobirthing book in my opinion.
- Pelvic floor physio / women’s health physio: I would highly recommend seeing a pelvic floor physio during your pregnancy and postpartum. They gave me advice around continuing exercise while pregnant, and exercises to help with my diastasis recti (ab separation) and avoiding prolapse post-birth. ACC covers part of the costs after birth if you have a tear.
- Matrescence NZ: I can’t sing Matrescence NZ’s praises enough. They have antenatal classes, as well as courses after birth, and helped so much with my mental health after birth. Definitely check them out on facebook and instagram as well.
- PADA: Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Aotearoa. Lots of resources for mum’s (and dad’s) mental health.
- Facebook groups: there are often groups named “NZ babies due x, x, x months”. Super helpful place to ask questions, get advice and product recommendations from other mums going through the same phase as you. There are also so many used clothing groups for kiddies, where you can get good quality clothes (e.g. “NZ Buy/Sell Merino & NZ Wool Mark Kids Clothing”) for much cheaper than new.
- Breastfeeding Peer Support (Southland & Otago) and La Leche League: very helpful when my little one decided to go on a nursing strike at six weeks. You can also access your local hospital’s lactation consultant (in Southland you can self-refer).
- Clean Cloth Nappies website: if you’re wanting to get into cloth nappies, then this website has so much helpful advice around the cleaning regime that is needed for them. There is also a facebook group where you can have your cleaning regime critiqued if you’re running into any issues. Happy to chat about cloth nappies for anyone interested – just comment or message me over on Instagram.
- SPACE groups: these are well known groups run by Playcentre and I’ve loved going to mine. Great way to meet new mums, learn lots and help your baby have lots of new experiences.
If you know of any other helpful resources then please comment below with them!
Am I going to keep adventuring?
Of course!
So that’s my birth story. Hopefully it was either interesting or helpful to you. I’d love to chat and answer questions if you’re also preparing for a birth – please message me on Instagram (or comment below).